The Cultures That Made Us Part 2

Speaker 0 00:00:00 Geez, Louise. Isaac is calling me now. Hello, Brown gravy. I always just got the McCormick Brown gravy. Okay. I'm recording a podcast too right now. So none of you. Okay. No more interruptions. Ready. Three, two, one. Speaker 1 00:00:30 Welcome back to the T with my name is Chris best friend. And today we're going to continue the cultures that made us part two. We're super excited that you can be here with us as we continue this conversation. So let's go ahead and get started. Next one. We're going to go with, Oh, well these are the ones you're excited for. So we're going to go with race and then this city for a bit of clarification on making sure that the terminology that we're using is clear for racial background. That would be the categories that you would fill out black, white, Asian, Pacific Islander, other multi-racial. We just did the sentence. Speaker 0 00:01:15 I should know this because I was a huge advocate for the census because the census does directly affect your funding. Everyone just remember that I have it. Okay, so it is white, black, or African-American American Indian, or Alaska native, Asian, native, Hawaiian, or other Pacific Islander. Speaker 1 00:01:33 There we go. And those are the racial categories as identified on the, Speaker 0 00:01:37 The us census Bureau, census.gov. Speaker 1 00:01:40 Keep it a bit more official in that regard for me racial identity. And honestly, for me personally, my racial and ethnic identities also don't really conflict or need much explanation. So I guess that's also why I don't have the best understanding of how this country separates race and ethnicity and the reasons and the rationales behind it. So for me, race would be a core identity. I'm a multi-racial individual, white mom, black dad, but when I walk into a space I'm very clearly not white passing and that absolutely impacts how others perceive me. And it's certainly related to how I perceive myself. So for me, race and ethnicity, I would put them both under core identity again, because they don't really have much distinction or delineation for me. So as that multi-racial black, white individual, that's a core identity for me. Speaker 0 00:02:34 I agree. So I have a question for you because we've always talked about us being mixed. So is there a reason why you use multiracial and not biracial? Speaker 1 00:02:42 I don't really have a reason why I don't use biracial. I think I just use multi-racial it's a bit more inclusive because not everyone is just to racial backgrounds, identities. I know I don't use the word mixed all that often because my mum and we're very adamant and growing up that when you refer to someone as mixed you're, low-key referring to them as like a breed of dog. So for us to be called was low key disrespectful. And so personally I don't call people mixed. I just prefer to use multi-racial. I did use biracial for awhile and then learn that people have more than the two identities. So it's just like cool, multiracial, boom done. So that's just that background on my terminology. I just don't use mixed. I was raised that it was not the most respectful way to address that Speaker 0 00:03:29 Because if we go back to geographical background in Hawaii, like people call each other like mixed plate, like a literal mixed plate, or even like a point dog, people say like, Oh, you're a poor dog, which I feel like is kind of offensive because that literally just means that you're a mutt. Like you have all the identities and all the cultures. So that is really interesting because I remember the first time someone called me off glossy, I had never heard it because my parents never really used it around us. And it was actually my boyfriend's cousin who was like, Oh, you're off glossy. And I was like, I'm what, I don't know what that means, but it really sounds like it means half cast and I'm really offended, but it is kind of one of those cultural signifiers to a lot of Pacific Islanders where they take pride in being off glassy. Speaker 0 00:04:09 Or there are some people who do believe same as I do that being called half caste is not okay. I don't mind it either way. I think now, as I've learned more about the cultural aspects of being off glossy, I'm kind of, it's one of those things where I'm still grappling with I to identify as multiracial on the census. I do put that I am Asian and then I also put other Pacific Islanders. So shout out to the us census Bureau for including other this year, we were able to write in our ethnic background in that. And so that was really cool. That was a really big win for us because in the 2010 one, it was not included. And so that is where I identify as other Pacific Islander. My ethnic background though is, uh, my dad is Tongan and my mom is Japanese. Speaker 0 00:04:54 So I'm first generation Tongan on my dad's side. And I am depending on who you ask either third or fourth generation on my mom's side, because her parents were not first gen either. It's one of those weird, like adding, you have to count the generations and I don't really know how to count it. So I say I'm either third or fourth, gen Japanese, American being multi-racial and navigating these spaces. I would also say as a core identity for me, because I mean, when I walk into a room, people are kind of like, you're a little ambiguous look in, but you're not white. You're not black. They're kind of confused. That's where that question of where are you from, comes from? And then I usually tell people like, Oh, I'm originally from Hawaii. And they say, Oh, you're Hawaiian. And I'm saying no, because native Hawaiian is an actual ethnic group and an ethnic background. So for someone to say, Oh, I'm Hawaiian. And then try to claim like, Oh, I'm from Hawaii. So that means I'm Hawaiian is also really offensive to native Hawaiian people. So that's kind of where I Speaker 1 00:05:51 Also any look at your Instagram stories and you would know that this was going to be a core identity. Oh, for sure. Yeah, because I'm so Speaker 0 00:05:58 Proud of being Taft, Tong and half Japanese, you know, I'm like, that's my biggest thing. I forgot who it was. Somebody coined the term <inaudible> and that's kind of what they called my sister and I. So that's where I took it and became <inaudible> as well. And I think it is one of those things where I always have to kind of be like, Oh, I am Tongan because a lot of Pacific Islanders will look at me and they're kind of like, what is your background? And so it's kind of one of those things that when I come into a space and navigate that space, I have to be very forward with, I am Pacific Islander because there is a lot of people who would look at me and not consider me to be. And so I always kind of have to like be on the defense of my ethnic background. So that's something I've learned to navigate as I've gotten older. Also this space has become more inclusive as I've gotten older as well, too. So it's not as exclusive as it used to be because we are starting to see more and more and multiracial Pacific Islanders. Speaker 1 00:06:46 I think beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was the first Pacific Islander that I truly recall meeting. It's not like, Oh, I just pass them somewhere. But to know that was your ethnic background. That's something that I don't know. Maybe it's a Texas thing. Maybe it's certain parts of Texas, but when I tell you, you were at 22 years old, the first Pacific Islander that I had met, basically ever true story for me. So fun side note, completely unrelated to our identity activity. Speaker 0 00:07:15 And then you just have all these Pacific Islanders in your life. She's just met a whole bunch of the family. My boyfriend's on one. So it's just, Speaker 1 00:07:23 I hear learning today. So these next three really are related all three, really at the same time, gender sex, sexual orientation, again, just to make sure we're using terms correctly. Sex is the sex that you were assigned at birth. Gender is related more to like, I have the image in my head of how to explain gender. And it's one of those things that you're super important to me. And I understand it, but I don't always do the best at explaining it to be clear. Sex is the assignment at birth gender is that cultural identification and then sexual orientation would be defining who you are attracted to. I'm trying to break it down too much. Sorry. That was a lot. And I wanted to make sure that I was very clear in how we were approaching these three terms without oversimplifying or over-complicating. I know some people don't necessarily understand the difference between sex and gender and put them together and that's their life. Speaker 1 00:08:19 And that's how they go about it. For me, sex and gender are separate. And it's important for me that we are in fact, separating those identities as we're doing this activity and having these discussions. So would you like to share, like how you identify then I would say for sex or identity male, and then gender. I want to say, I don't know if I would say gender neutral, gender fluid. My gender identity is not a hundred percent match my sexual identity sexually. I am male. Absolutely. But I don't always find that I fit those societal expectations of a male. And it was one of those things I had to think about even before the podcast was like, Hmm, is this a me thing? Or is it an other people thing? And it's, it's both. I have had younger children in school settings ask, am I a boy or a girl? And it's happened for quite some time. I think that definitely kind of adds to that feeling of like gender neutral as far as like my gender identity. And that would be another core identity because again definitely impacts how others are perceiving me pretty frequently. And it's certainly a part of how I identify Speaker 0 00:09:33 And the kids are doing it too. It's not malicious. You know, it's one of those things where when kids ask questions, you can tell that they're curious and I guess it depends on how you respond to it. That's also important too. I think that that's interesting. I would say that it is one of my core identities as well, biological sex. I am a female gender. I identify as a woman, a cis-gendered woman, a heterosexual woman, a feminine female, even though, you know, Snapchat be playing me and putting these masculine filters on me. So maybe I am, I don't know. And so my gender pronouns are she her and hers. I, um, as heteronormative as you can get, and I've put that as my core, just because that is the way that I navigate the world is as a female. I am very cognizant of that when I enter a male dominated spaces and also being a woman of color, I am very cognizant of that when I enter different spaces, depending on what that space looks like, Speaker 1 00:10:27 It sounds like your sex and your gender match up almost in the same way that like my race and ethnicity, they just match up. It is what it is, but they're still core identities. So that would be gender sex. And then that last one would be sexual orientation. For me, another core identity. It defines a lot of the things, a lot of how people perceive me a lot of how I navigate the world. So my sexual orientation would also go into that core identity and I would identify as queer in that sexual orientation category. Speaker 0 00:10:58 So when you look at Christina's Chris and I, we kind of just like, you know, check all the boxes. If there's a box out there and there has to be a category, we probably checked at least one. And so we are your diversity count, no matter how problematic diversity counts are, that's also addressed that. Speaker 1 00:11:17 Did you put your sexual orientation in the category already? Speaker 0 00:11:20 Yeah. That's where I was also like confused, not confused because I was asking Chris again earlier. I was like, I think that's a surface level thing. Like, yeah, I'm heterosexual. But I think that that's also because we live in a heteronormative world that that is not something that I generally have to think about. Like, well, my partner and I be able to get married, will it be legal for us to be on each other's insurances? Is this something where we could adopt if we ever wanted to and not extra questioning, whatever, go into it. Speaker 1 00:11:46 Is it safe for you to hold hands in public? Speaker 0 00:11:48 Exactly. Like these are things that I personally don't have to think about. And so that's, I said that it would be surfaced, but then as I'm thinking about it more, I think that it is a core identity to me because of these situations and these hypotheticals that I can think about. And I think adding in on that core identity would be an ally. What would that be considered a core identity? I don't know. Maybe important. Yeah. Important. I don't think that that's a core identity to me. I mean, it is something that I try to lead with and try to lead by being part of the community, not a part of the community. I don't know what, what I'm trying to say right now. Let me think about that and get back to it. But I, yeah, I agree. I think it's more of an important than it would be. Speaker 1 00:12:24 And again, I think these are your personal identities. They, they reflect how you navigate the world. So if that is something that is an important identity, as opposed to a core, as opposed to a surface, then that that's just where it fits. That's where it glows. And that's how that goes. So wherever you choose to put that is totally fine. I just know for me, probably because it is a divergent identity, not considered standard. It's definitely a core identity for me. It's one of the maps that I have to pull up when I choose to travel to a place. So I typically have three maps up. Can I afford to go to that place? Is it safe for a person of color to go there? Is it safe for a queer person to go there? So those are my three maps. Anytime I want to travel, literally anywhere I have to answer those three questions. So core identity, all three of those in the core, right there. Other identities that we added to this particular identification activity would be parentage. If you were growing up in a predominantly two parent household, a single parent household where your parents separated or divorced or never married. I know for me, I would say it is an important identity that parentage Speaker 0 00:13:32 Is that my turn. I, Speaker 1 00:13:33 Uh, I don't think I had anything else to add to that. Speaker 0 00:13:36 I was like, I'm just nodding, but I didn't know when I was coming in. So I just kind of nod and wait till there's a long pause. I would agree. I am also the product of a divorce parentage, but in that same vein would say that I grew up in a mostly two parent household because I was in Hawaii with both my mom and dad, and then they divorced. And then I moved to California. I was with my dad and my stepmom at that point, but my mom was very much involved too. So it's like one of those things where I was, again, a two parent co-parent divorced parent type thing. I always like to say that my parents parenting was one of those things, that it was a success in co-parenting because I've seen divorced parents who cannot get along and even for the sake of kids can not get along. And that was not my experience. I don't know what my parents, you know, were experiencing themselves, but as a child of it, I never felt like I had to ever choose between the two. So I would say that I was product of divorced parents, but successful co-parents Speaker 1 00:14:38 I was raised by both of my parents until middle school. And then that's when they got their divorce. But then after that, it was very, very clear that I was being raised by my mother solely independently. There was no co-parenting of any sort, really going on, maybe occasional visits, phone calls. It's very, very occasional. It's kind of on the other side of that spectrum of divorced parents and those outcomes. So I would say for me, it is an important identity, definitely impacts how I consider things. Maybe it should be more surface level until I have children, because I know that the way I was raised will certainly impact a lot of how I will raise my children. If I choose to have any I'm going to stick with important on that one final category, unless we think of any other ones would be siblings and like where you fall within those siblings. Cause I think that sibling interaction can impact a lot of outcomes for you. I'm the oldest of the siblings I was raised with actively. So I was raised as an oldest child and I would say that it would be like a surface level identity for me because I definitely we're all really close in age. I do have half siblings, so it was not raised close enough to them to really say that they impacted my outcome. My two siblings that are younger than me absolutely did. Speaker 0 00:15:57 I guess it depends on who you ask from my mom's children. So just myself and my sister, I am the youngest, but from my dad's children, I am a middle child, but the age gap between all of us is pretty large between my sister and I is seven years in between my little brother and I are 10 years and show some may even say like I was raised as an only child because we each had very specific times when we were by ourselves. So when people ask me, I mostly identify as a middle child, but I would say that I am very much so the baby, like I am the youngest daughter and you know, my parents do treat me as such. And so my sister very much takes over that older child role. And my little brother definitely takes over that only male role. I would say it's pretty surface level, but it does definitely it's important as well, because I think about it a lot about where I am, and there are some attributes that I do take on as a middle child. Although my step-mom who's also a middle child also says that being a middle children is such an American concept. And she's like, it's an American thing. Like only Americans care about where they are in their lineage. Speaker 1 00:16:59 You are the oldest, not Speaker 0 00:17:02 Exactly like you're the oldest or the youngest. You're not anywhere in the middle. So I would say that there are some times where I feel like I am the baby, but I am, you know, treated as the youngest girl. So there are some things that I was afforded on my sister definitely wasn't so, you know, my sister walks so I could run, thanks, SIS, Speaker 1 00:17:17 I'd put it under that surface level, but there are some moments where that important part just kind of comes through every now and then Speaker 0 00:17:23 I would say mostly surface, but there are some parts where I am thinking it is an important category. Well, that was fun. Oh, Speaker 1 00:17:30 Wait, one more. I just realized that I want to talk about it and then I forgot about it. Category would be level of education. Speaker 0 00:17:39 We had definitely discussed that. Yeah, I guess I'll go first. I would say that is an important thing to me, especially being a first-generation college student. I think that that's one of reasons why it is so important. And so being a graduate level student as well, I graduated with my master's I think was something that not, that is unheard of in my family because we definitely have college educated cousins and aunts and uncles, but in my immediate family, it was a very important thing. And it was something that was always kind of driven into us that we would be going to college. And now that we are college educated, it was one of those things that now affords myself a lot of different privileges. I would say that that's an important identifier, but not my most important. Speaker 1 00:18:22 What about education? I definitely, 100% is an important identity. You hinted on that first-generation component that I think brochure moves it out of surface into important identities because it is something that was a significant thing to accomplish. And then to have continued beyond a bachelor's to have also achieved a master's degree, the fact that I can even consider continuing beyond that is all just really important to me. So I would say for sure that education level would be an important identity. Also informs a lot of the career moves and decisions that I can make. I feel as though it has also influenced the types of conversations and the types of people that I can and have met as well. So education level is definitely an important identity for me. Speaker 0 00:19:05 And <inaudible>, if you have any other identifiers that you think should be on your identity circle or in your identity wheel, what are we calling this identity activity, feel free to let us know and we'll discuss it as well, because these are not cut and dry. The only identities out there identifiers out there. And so we'd be super interested to see what you decide to put in your practice. Speaker 1 00:19:29 We'll certainly be continuing conversations around these identities in future episodes. So we just really wanted to take the time to look at these identities, to figure out what they might be for us. So that way in future conversations, we have a better understanding of each other's identities, how those impact our lives and the decisions that we make. I would say that's why we chose to have this conversation at this time, but that's all we have two a day. So let's move on to our rapid fire question. Speaker 0 00:20:03 Am I going first? Are you going first? We do this every Speaker 1 00:20:05 Time. You just never know who is going to go first. I'll go first today. Cause I was super I'm super excited for my question. All right. So I am really big on aroma therapy and using science as a form of healing and relaxation. So on the other side of that spectrum, is there a scent that just aggravates you to know it? Like you just, you smell it, you just get so angry. Speaker 0 00:20:29 You know it, I do. I don't like the set of spearmint and Chris thinks that it's made up, but that's not true though, because I do like the taste. I like the taste of mint, not to spearmint though. I meant chocolate chip ice cream will mess that up in a whole minute. I actually have some in my fridge right now, but there are some that like hurts stomach smelling it. Also going back to sense for all you two thousands of girls out there love smell. I hate, hate that smell. I don't know why it also makes me nauseous, but yeah, that is also one of those things where I'm just, no, what's your aggravating smell Speaker 1 00:21:05 Orange because it feels like it's an off-brand lemon. Cause when I think lemon, I'm thinking clean orange, the kids tried to clean up the house. It was just like Speaker 0 00:21:20 It's bootleg lemon. Off-brand lemon. Interesting. Aggravates me. How interesting. Yeah, no mine loves Lovespell if you know the smell and I'm smelling it right now, I'm gagging. Disgusting middle school. Okay. So my rapid fire question is what is one item you could never, ever, ever live without Speaker 1 00:21:43 An item that I could not live without. Speaker 0 00:21:46 This is the only item you have with you on your, like you're on naked and afraid and you brought this item chapstick. That's a good one. That's true. Yeah. You are a chapstick multiple in multiple places, Speaker 1 00:22:00 A bedroom chapstick, a travel chapstick, a living room, chapstick, backup chap sticks in the back. Like I hate chapped lips doesn't work for me. Speaker 0 00:22:09 It, um, I think I would put down my phone, which is such a generic thing. I hate that. I would say that, but it does like, like I would not be able to get anything done without my phone chopstick. Yeah. But also like if I'm on a stranded Island, I don't have electricity there. So I guess I'm just Sol day three. I'm dead. It's it's fine. It's okay. We break apart the phone. Maybe start some kind of fire with it, but yeah, that would be a phone, Speaker 1 00:22:37 But where can people find the tea with crema? Speaker 0 00:22:40 You can find us on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and Google podcast, or anywhere else that you can stream podcasts alive. You can also find us on Instagram at, at the T with crema. We hope to see you next time. Bye Speaker 1 00:22:52 <inaudible>.